Part 4 - Emotional Wellbeing
Online Program Contents:
Part 1 - The Big Picture
Part 2 - Physical - Learn to be Healthy
Part 3 - Emotional - Learn to be Happy (this page)
Part 4 - Mental - Learn to be Aware
Part 5 - Spiritual - Learn to be Purposeful
Key Principle of Emotional Wellbeing
Accept all emotions, foster positive ones (especially compassion!)
Part 1 - The Big Picture
Part 2 - Physical - Learn to be Healthy
Part 3 - Emotional - Learn to be Happy (this page)
Part 4 - Mental - Learn to be Aware
Part 5 - Spiritual - Learn to be Purposeful
Key Principle of Emotional Wellbeing
Accept all emotions, foster positive ones (especially compassion!)
Pleasant Emotions ("Positive")
There is substantial evidence to support the idea that positive (pleasant) emotions are linked to improved performance at work and success in life. In the highly entertaining video below, Shawn Achor, former Harvard Lecturer of Positive Psychology talks about the power of positive emotions. He discusses how success does not automatically lead to happiness. More common is for happiness to contribute to one's success.
For more on the happiness research check out this segment from the "Happy" documentary by Roko Belic:
It is also well worth watching "What I Learned While Making a Movie About Happiness: Roko Belic at TEDx."
Unpleasant Emotions ("Negative")
It is not surprising that positive emotions are important. Virtually everyone wants to be happy... and happiness is a positive emotion. There is however a trap waiting for us here. Focusing on being happy may be a more sensible goal than just putting all of your energy into being rich and famous, however it can be counter productive if you take it too far.
For many people, the more they focus on being happy the less tolerance they have for the unavoidable downs and discomforts of life. Even in affluent Western societies such as Australia, some suffering is in the end inescapable. An excellent new book called the Power of Negative Emotion pulls together a lot of research to argue that what is important in life is our "distress tolerance." That is, how much we can accept and tolerate negative emotions when they happen. The authors argue that our affluent societies are currently stuck in a "comfort addiction" which has spread to include the experiential avoidance of uncomfortable emotions.
It turns out that Henry Thoreau was right. Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you obsess with it and chase it directly... especially in the ways that our culture often teaches us to chase it... the more it evades. Stop and focus on something else and it just may come and land on your shoulder. This is where Spiritual Wellbeing fits in. By focusing on a bigger purpose we can increase our distress tolerance and accept our negative emotions. Our individual health and happiness is a worthy goal but funnily enough, if we make it a secondary goal we may in the long run be even more happy (fulfilled). And possibly healthier too!
If we only seek our own happiness and just attempt to maximise our positive emotions we may in the end live smaller, less happy lives! Russ Harris (see the "Happiness Trap" book below) argues that the pursuit of values over the long haul, rather than happiness, is more likely to lead to a full and meaningful life.
What this means is that we can seek to foster positive emotions but we need to accept and let ourselves feel negative emotions when they happen. All emotions have a purpose and a message that needs to enter into our awareness. The trick is not to foster negative emotions unnecessarily which many people do with habitual negative thinking - unhelpful repetitive anxiety, blaming, or resentment for example, which achieve little.
Once we have accepted, felt, processed and learnt from our uncomfortable emotions we are ready to move on. A big part of this process and the return to fostering the positive emotions is self-compassion... our next topic.
For many people, the more they focus on being happy the less tolerance they have for the unavoidable downs and discomforts of life. Even in affluent Western societies such as Australia, some suffering is in the end inescapable. An excellent new book called the Power of Negative Emotion pulls together a lot of research to argue that what is important in life is our "distress tolerance." That is, how much we can accept and tolerate negative emotions when they happen. The authors argue that our affluent societies are currently stuck in a "comfort addiction" which has spread to include the experiential avoidance of uncomfortable emotions.
It turns out that Henry Thoreau was right. Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you obsess with it and chase it directly... especially in the ways that our culture often teaches us to chase it... the more it evades. Stop and focus on something else and it just may come and land on your shoulder. This is where Spiritual Wellbeing fits in. By focusing on a bigger purpose we can increase our distress tolerance and accept our negative emotions. Our individual health and happiness is a worthy goal but funnily enough, if we make it a secondary goal we may in the long run be even more happy (fulfilled). And possibly healthier too!
If we only seek our own happiness and just attempt to maximise our positive emotions we may in the end live smaller, less happy lives! Russ Harris (see the "Happiness Trap" book below) argues that the pursuit of values over the long haul, rather than happiness, is more likely to lead to a full and meaningful life.
What this means is that we can seek to foster positive emotions but we need to accept and let ourselves feel negative emotions when they happen. All emotions have a purpose and a message that needs to enter into our awareness. The trick is not to foster negative emotions unnecessarily which many people do with habitual negative thinking - unhelpful repetitive anxiety, blaming, or resentment for example, which achieve little.
Once we have accepted, felt, processed and learnt from our uncomfortable emotions we are ready to move on. A big part of this process and the return to fostering the positive emotions is self-compassion... our next topic.
Self-Compasssion
Self-compassion has a unique role to play in our wellbeing as a bridge between negative and positive emotion. Whenever you experience a difficult situation and notice your discomfort and the accompanying negative emotions (e.g. shame, frustration, loneliness, anger, fear, disgust, sadness etc.) you can try feeling compassion for yourself and use it to help you accept your emotions and your situation more rather than reacting with little control or trying to suppress the emotions. Hence any negative emotion can be a trigger to experience a positive emotion (self-compassion)!
It is well worth watching the full version here of Dr Kristin Neff's TEDx talk on Self-Compassion:
It is well worth watching the full version here of Dr Kristin Neff's TEDx talk on Self-Compassion:
If you click here you will find Dr Neff's self-compassion exercises and guided meditations.
Power Poses
Harvard social psychologist, Amy Cuddy, shows how you can change your emotions (and your body's stress reactions) in 2 minutes just by changing your body posture.
Power Poses
Harvard social psychologist, Amy Cuddy, shows how you can change your emotions (and your body's stress reactions) in 2 minutes just by changing your body posture.
If you want to read the full academic paper on Power Posing just click here.
Audio
The Greater Good Podcast - Based at the University of California, Berkeley, the Greater Good Science Center studies the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being, and teaches skills that foster a thriving, resilient, and compassionate society. This podcast interviews leading researchers and thinkers on the roots of compassion, happiness, morality, and more. You can download on your computer or search for "Greater Good Podcast" using your Podcast App in your smart phone and listen directly from there. We particularly recommend:
Srikumar Rao on Happiness at Work and Kristin Neff on the Power of Self-Compassion.
Sonja Lyubomirsky on the Myths of Happiness - A leading researcher in positive psychology explains how understanding our misconceptions about happiness can ultimately lead us to a rich and meaningful life.
Kristin Neff on the Power of Self-Compassion (24 minutes) - The pioneering researcher and author of Self-Compassion explains why it’s OK to accept your faults and be kind to yourself.
Audio
The Greater Good Podcast - Based at the University of California, Berkeley, the Greater Good Science Center studies the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being, and teaches skills that foster a thriving, resilient, and compassionate society. This podcast interviews leading researchers and thinkers on the roots of compassion, happiness, morality, and more. You can download on your computer or search for "Greater Good Podcast" using your Podcast App in your smart phone and listen directly from there. We particularly recommend:
Srikumar Rao on Happiness at Work and Kristin Neff on the Power of Self-Compassion.
Sonja Lyubomirsky on the Myths of Happiness - A leading researcher in positive psychology explains how understanding our misconceptions about happiness can ultimately lead us to a rich and meaningful life.
Kristin Neff on the Power of Self-Compassion (24 minutes) - The pioneering researcher and author of Self-Compassion explains why it’s OK to accept your faults and be kind to yourself.
Other Websites
Mindspot.org.au - The MindSpot Clinic is a free service for Australian adults who are experiencing difficulties with anxiety, stress, depression and low mood. We provide online Screening Assessments and Treatment Courses, or we can help you find local services that can help.MindSpot is made up of a team of over 30 Psychologists, Clinical Psychologists, Psychiatrists and Mental Health Professionals who are passionate about providing a free and effective service to people all over Australia. We have a dedicated IT team to ensure that this happens as securely and efficiently as possible. MindSpot is based at Macquarie University, Sydney, and we are funded by the Australian government.
HelpGuide.org - This non-profit website has some well-presented resources on emotional wellbeing. Topics include:
HelpGuide.org - This non-profit website has some well-presented resources on emotional wellbeing. Topics include:
They also have a free course on developing your Emotional Intelligence which we highly recommend:
Happiness Greatest Hits - a list of some of our most illuminating and helpful happiness research, tools, and tips by The Greater Good Science Center based at the University of California, Berkeley. The Greater Good Science Center studies the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being, and teaches skills that foster a thriving, resilient, and compassionate society.
Dangers of “Crying It Out”Damaging children and their relationships for the longterm. This article give great advice for meeting the crucial emotional needs of babies but it also has implications for us adults. It explains why you may need to practice self-compassion even if you don't remember a particularly difficult childhood. Self-compassion can be a way of re-parenting ourselves... giving ourselves what we needed when young but our parents (normally for very understandable reasons) were not able to fully give us.
Books
Some excellent books to borrow or buy:
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The Happiness Trap
Are you, like so many, caught in the happiness trap? Russ Harris explains that the way most of us go about trying to find happiness ends up making us miserable, driving the epidemics of stress, anxiety, and depression. This empowering book presents the insights and techniques of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) a revolutionary new psychotherapy based on cutting-edge research in behavioral psychology. By clarifying your values and developing mindfulness (a technique for living fully in the present moment), ACT helps you escape the happiness trap and find true satisfaction in life. The techniques presented in "The Happiness Trap" will help readers to: - Reduce stress and worry - Handle painful feelings and thoughts more effectively - Break self-defeating habits - Overcome insecurity and self-doubt - Create a rich, full, and meaningful life. This book may sound a bit hokey but it is actually very solidly based on the research. Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them “Constructive wallowing” seems like an oxymoron. Constructive is a good thing, but wallowing is bad. Right? But wait a minute; is it really so terrible to give ourselves a time-out to feel our feelings? Or is it possible that wallowing is an act of loving kindness, right when we need it most? Almost everyone loves the idea of self-compassion — the notion that maybe in spite of our messy emotions and questionable behavior, we really aren’t all that bad. In recent years there’s been an explosion of books that encourage readers to stop beating themselves up for being human, which is terrific. Unfortunately, readers who aren’t interested in Buddhism or meditation have been left out in the cold. Constructive Wallowing is the first book to cut right to the chase, bypassing descriptions of Eastern philosophy and meditation techniques to teach readers how to accept and feel their feelings with self-compassion for greater emotional health. It’s tempting to turn away from menacing, uncomfortable feelings like anger, grief, or regret; however, ignoring them just seems to make them stick around. By learning to accept and embrace, difficult feelings, readers keep their sense of personal power and gain greater understanding and ultimately esteem for themselves. The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want By Sonja Lyubomirsky. You see here a different kind of happiness book. The How of Happiness is a comprehensive guide to understanding the elements of happiness based on years of groundbreaking scientific research. It is also a practical, empowering, and easy-to-follow workbook, incorporating happiness strategies, exercises in new ways of thinking, and quizzes for understanding our individuality, all in an effort to help us realize our innate potential for joy and ways to sustain it in our lives. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself More and more, psychologists are turning away from an emphasis on self-esteem and moving toward self-compassion in the treatment of their patients—and Dr. Neff’s excellent book offers exercises and action plans for dealing with every emotionally debilitating struggle, be it parenting, weight loss, or any of the numerous trials of everyday living. Kristin Neff PhD, is a professor in human development whose 10 years' of research forms the basis of her timely and highly readable book. Self Compassion offers a powerful solution for combating the current malaise of depression, anxiety and self criticism that comes with living in a pressured and competitive culture. We have included part of a review from Amazon as it does a good job of conveying some of the key ideas from the book: "Our ultra-competitive culture, the relentless pursuit of high self-esteem and the need to be above average to feel good about ourselves makes our sense of self-worth rise and fall in lockstep with our latest success or failure. She says many experts now see self-compassion as a more powerful and effective alternative to self-esteem. Their research shows that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are highly stable and kick in precisely when self-esteem falls down. Current research shows there are holes in over emphasizing high self-esteem as an indicator of healthy behavior. Neff says high self-esteem is a consequence rather than a cause of healthy behavior. Narcissists and sociopaths generally have extremely high self-esteem (inflated, unrealistic perceptions of themselves) and tend to blame others for negative consequences. Jean Twenge's book, "Generation Me, the Narcissism Epidemic Living in the Age of Entitlement" speaks eloquently about the problem. Neff says thoughts and emotions have an effect on our bodies: self-compassion triggers oxcytocin the hormone of "love and bonding" and "tend and befriend" whereas self-criticism elicits an increase in blood pressure, adrenalin and the hormone cortisol. Self-compassion stops self-judgment and actively comforts us just as we would a dear friend. Warm tender feelings towards ourselves (self-compassion) makes us feel safe, calm, content, trusting and stops us from operating from a place of fear. She says self-kindness, recognition of our common humanity and mindfulness form the basis of self-compassion. Mindfulness is noticing our pain without exaggeration, interpretation and over identification. Self-compassion enables us to face emotions head-on and allows positive emotions to replace the negative ones. Self-compassion asks us to accept and acknowledge our pain, remember suffering is a part of life, be kind and compassionate with ourselves and learn from our mistakes. Neff warns that self-compassion is not a magical cure to resist or eliminate pain; it's a way to shift the focus from "cure" to "care." Self-compassion enables us to define our worth not as a label, judgment, or evaluation. It relates to the mystery of who we are - a dynamic work in progress. It honors our strengths and weaknesses, does not define us by our success or failure, does not depend on an outcome, being special or above average. The emphasis is on the value of experience and on the journey not the destination. Self-criticism asks, "Am I good enough?" Self-compassion asks, "What's good for me?" It taps into your inner reserve to be healthy and happy. When tense, upset, sad or self-critical Neff recommends giving ourselves a warm hug and using sympathetic language with ourselves. Pain is unavoidable, suffering is optional. Her book powerfully demonstrates the importance of self-compassion and the need to give ourselves the same caring support we'd give to a good friend. This book has the power to change lives." - review by Niki Collins-Queen on Amazon Next - Part 4 - Mental - Learn to be Aware |
